So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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