im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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