Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
