If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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