he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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