Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
