Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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