Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
