3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The adults are the big ones right?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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