I'm sorry my penis didn't work
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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