dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
