the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
