was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
