she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
