sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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