bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
