You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
