You made me cry and you don't even care
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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