What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
