So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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