I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
