What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
