The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
