did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
