Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
