So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
