capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do vagina's smell?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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