Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
