I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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