Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
