thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
