I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
