Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
