you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
