we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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