please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
