This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
