ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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