i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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