He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
