Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
