just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
