My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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