I met the friendliest cop last night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
