I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
