so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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