apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
