Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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