That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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