i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Everclear isn't food dammit
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
