Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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