If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
