I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
