When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
