I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Someone shit on the floor
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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