How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
