I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
