I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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