Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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