I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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