yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
