well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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