My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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