My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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