if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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