is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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