just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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