R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I puked a lego.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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