He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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