My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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