i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
