apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize