grandma shit on top of the toilet
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
