you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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