I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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