I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
