Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
